Life is like string cheese.

Maybe? I am not quite sure what that one was about. Training is going good so far
and I am going to really enjoy being back at work. This hour comute to training is killing meBut I will be compensated for gas, tolls and travel time. They go by how far you are from your branch and I live right across the street from mine, so I will be compensated for it all.

String cheese is a new addiction for me Fatt free or Light of course but my weakness is cheese lately. other then that I am still doing great. Not losing as fast as I would want to but I am doing good.

And the days go by

Sorry again, I get caught up with being so busy.
On the good note I got my two top wisdom teeth removed so Ive been
on a soft diet for a few days. YAY. I had to pospone my weigh in appt
because it was the day I was getting my teeth pulled and the dentist didnt
want me walking around much. Im doing better though I can resume exercising.
I start work on the 7th well I train the 7th and 8th then again the 11th -15th then I start working. YAY Im so excited once I get out of this darn house and making that cash flowwwwww.
SUpernatural season 6 premiere tonight @ 9 my hubcap has been off to help me with the baby
as well as getting over a cold for himself so we can watch it together he got me all into it.

Well ladies love to see how everyone has been doinggg.

THe summer is slowing down

As the summer is slowing down and I am getting back into my original routine again
I will be writing more. I did get a job!!! FINALLYYYYY in almost 2 years...
It is for a peak teller position @ PNC bank. 11.01 an hour! Plus incentive..
I dont know why its 11.01 but Ill take it. My last job was a stinky retail job at
a maternity clothes store. it was only 9.25 an hr and they never had a set scheduleeeeeeeeeee
it was silly. I like that I will have set hoursssss.

As for everything elseee guh tiredddddddd. My son is growing tooo fast I think I am ready
for the little girl I plan to have, the husband thinks hes ready too I am just not ready to get fat again

I come over early in the morning!!!

just like a heat wave without warning......

So I havent really been able to update Ive been sooooo busy with the fam and school and stuff.
But I am doing great. I had an appt with my surgeon Aug 11th and he calls me his painted lady. I guess I am the only patient that goes in with 20 tattoos and 11 piercings. But he wont give me anymore fills he thinks I am right where I should be but thats cool. I am glad that he is happy and satisfied with my progress I am happy. Wish it would go faster but he says that the faster you lose the weight the better a chance to gain it right back fast.

This is us on our anniversary, just hanging out in our room before going out to do some damage. Hhaha I LOVE my hubcap, I LOVE being married, and I LOVE my FAMILY.

Jayson keeps coughing so hard that he is throwing up sometimes. It breaks my heart to see this. I wish it wasnt like that. I LOVE you Jayson I hope my baby feels betterrrr

SOOOOOOOO

Havent updated ina few days, our anniversary was sooooooo fun!
Minus the fact that our hotel was right next to the "Jersey Shore" house,
and the cast is in seaside filming season 3 already. UGH mobs and mobs of
creepy fans, like you couldnt walk down the block for a while because the police were
blocking off the front of the house and there was a mob of 200 or so people across the street.

Other then that it was a peaceful relaxing time, I wish we were there for a week and not just two days. But on the bright side we have extra tickets and they roll over to next year. We will probably take Jayson with us, unless we do an anniversary weekend again. Maybe plan to go there or take Jayson to sesame place next year. He will be 3 by then and he can go on lots of rides, right now he is kind of scared to go on rides.

Well even though we went on a mini vacation I didnt over indulge. We had Ihop on the way down to Seaside and I just had egg, and a few bites of hashbrowns. I didnt eat much because I wasnt that hungry. Then we didnt have lunch because we were so busy that we forgot to eat we went to the water park when we got there, then we walked on the boardwalk stopped and Dan had a drink at the Aztec. Then we actually did go catrs before we went back to get the car to go check in the hotel. Once we checked in we showered the chlorene off from the water park and got ready to go out. Walked the boardwalk and priced nipple piercings for my husband, thats what he wanted for his anniversary gift. He did get me a wonderful Simmons & Co. Hello Kitty necklace from Zales to match the bracelet that he got me for my birthday.Then after he got his nipples pierced we went to dinner. I wanted crab because this is the prime time to get fresh crab in New Jersey. We ordered some calamari, then I ordered Alaskian King Crab legs, and he got alaskian Salmon. Then we went back to our room for a bit because it was POURING during dinner. It was only about 5pm so it eventually cleared up and everything on the boardwalk opened again. THen our night began/ We left the room at 8pm we were lounging on the sundeck for a while. We walked all over the boardwalk for the rest of the night up and down, then we went to the streets and walked to see whatelse they were doing the night clubs were closed because it was a sunday night, but we still had fun walking around. there was a Hookah bar there we went in for a little bit, then went right back up to the boardwalk. We didnt go back to the room till about 3 am. So we were constantly walking all over. The next morning my legs and feet were KILLING ME...

Wore my new bathing suit yesterday and I felt great. Plus I looked great.
Slowly but surely our vacation is coming together.even though my student funds probably
wont be released till then, We are still going to be able to afford it.

I have been doing chores and such for us to be able to go away and make some extra money.
Dan is going to get his pay on saturday before we go away ... I am so excited..

On the down side I havent been exercising to much because I have been sickk. Yuckyyyy..
I am still slowly losing inches though even though I feel soo fatttt.

Soooo frustrated with my school loan situation. I requested excess funds so I would have some money to go away... It was originally set to be disbursed the 12th of July... But it got postponed till the 19th and depending on if they use the direct deposit method or the mailed paper check.. I may or maynot have it here in time to actually go away... Too top it off I was told I was not needed this weekend to work so I am not gonna have the extra 60 bucks .... Turning out to turn around and hate on meeeeee..

On the upside my bestie Jeanine picked up the Tickets for me./ 2 all day water park tickets, 10 go cart rides and 200 ride tickets for 70 bucks. I cant complain each book of 100 stamps is $50 a piece. So I got a really great deal. I am just worried about the extra spending money and the money for having something to buy my hubby for our anniversary.

boreeed

Just living life, been a little under the weather lately.

Soo glad that things are running good at home..

hubcap is working 6 days a week and I am working one day a week.

Saving money for our mini staycation later this month..

One year anniversary I cant believe it is coming up so quickkkkkkkk

So on the upside...

I got a new bathinsuit. It toooooooooooook forever to find one that was right. I waited to late in the season but I didnt want to get one 30 lbs heavier. SO I waited and tried to find one that would best suit me. But instead Ijust found one that would work.. For the time being. I dont like to order online because its a hassel and if it doesnt fit or I dont like it I would have to send it backk. Our anniversary is in two weeks. so I wouldnt have time to get one by the time we were to go away. My Hubcap likes the one I got so I am satisfied!!!!!!!

I also bought a large at Kohls the other day, whoooooohoooooooo!!!!!
I havent really bought a large in a long timeeeeee rather 1x's and such.....
SO I am feeling good. I did play hookie again from therapy I was toooo tired. and busy to go...

Going nuts!

Yes I am going nuts. I just need a break every once in a while....
These two family functions and no one would keep an eye on Jayson so I could
just relax... Not even my husband... He spent half the afternoon with his cousin Jewel in the hot tub... Mind you I have never been in the hot tub with my husband.. ever... Yet hes sitting in the
hot tub with his 18 yr old adopted cousin... Weird... I know....

He got mad at me because I was upset that he promised me on friday if I let him go night fishing without me he would spend the day with me and Jayson..... I think I spoke to him twice since we got to his parents house. I waited till everyone was done eating to even go get my food... Because I couldnt drag Jayson into the house...

I know this post has nothing to do with my weightloss and surgery its just a rant. I am not feeling good about myself. None of my friends could come to my get togethers and Julie was suppose to come cut my hair today but she didnt show.. I am really getting fed up.... I guess I am the disposable friend..... I am there when they want me to be but other then that I am nonexistant.

BOREDDDD?

So I am invited to family functions... but yet I dont get a break.....
thats the joy of life when you have a 2 yr old. Today is probably going to be the sameeee
I really hope that Megan and Kaylin get to come.... It would be fun
I am getting Jayson to my in laws early so that I can get him down for a nice long nap without having to wake him....

I cant wait to go swimmingggggg. I also cant wait to have a nice relaxing day.
Theres still going to be lots of people but who cares.... That just means
more to watch Jayson.......

Everyone is telling me I look greatt. AUnt Di keeps saying heyyyy Skinny,
But I am nowhere by anymeans skinny at all. Bleh

This type of beauty was born to fade....

Sooo. I had my fill appt today with my surgeon... He thinks I am going great, I am at their goal for one year out patients. in only 3 small months. I am also down another 2 lbs, UGH @.. but I cant complain... I havent ben exercising much but I still lost two lbs. Dr. O said that I was in 90th percentile for WL outta his patients and that my weightloss is great and he said if it was any faster then he would suspect a problem... But all in all atleast I am losing. I promise after this weekend its back to bootcamp I go... Atleast the Dr is proud of me.

Jayson has a play date coming up in 30 mins. I am glad to have found a friend who is close in age to me with a child only a yr younger then my son. They play so well together and us parents can talk. She too is also married young like I.

My hubcaps bday is tomorrow, yay 22.. Unfortunately for him I got him som edible man pouch and forplay bath salts and idea cards. (keep in mind our anniversary is coming up at the end of the month).. I didnt have much cash and I didnt want to have to ask him for cash to get him a present. He knows the deal I gave hi his presents lastnight cause I didnt have paper to wrap themm.........

I heard that.. What you hear What you hear

SO here I am again. I just called my surgeons office to see if they had any openings today,
but they dont. Lisa told me to call back at one to see where they are because if they have any
cancellations they will let me know. I have to be at the LIFE CENTER at 3 for my son's swimming lessons. It would just be easier for me to go there today rather then tomorrow morning. But if it doesnt work out today anyway I have a 10 am appt tomorrow.

I am having issues with eating chicken terribly... I dont have crazy restriction just yet, I am going to see if Dr. O can top me off a little bit so im not over filled and have to go back I just want a little fill. I have 7cc's in a 10 cc band. I am anxious to see what I weigh today or tomorrow, If I stayed the same or gained or lost. Im nervous cbecause of my energy levels and not exercising all the time..

SO I started looking around for a new suit, but no luck I have found tops that I like but I need to try on, and then I need to find bottoms and I cant find a suit that best suits my body together. Swim Separates are my friend. So I was able to completely book our vacation, now hopefully my hubby will be able to get off for our anniversary.

Oh SUmmer time!

yes the summer time is here. My hubcaps bday is on friday and everything is good.
Finally working on saturdays now 25 bucks an hour cleaning shore houses with my hubcaps
bestfriends mom. So its not like I am working for someone random. I am working for a friend of the family...
The count down is coming.... On Thursday it will be 25 days till our one year wedding anniversary and our vacation to Seaside Heights NJ.. SOOOOOO excited.
I want a new bathing suit. or atleast bottoms,.. because of my mommy pouch it doesnt feel comfortable sometimes. I want something better for when we go away cause were goin to the water parks.

Whistle while you work.

So I started working out again yesterday and its fine. I hate working out
but I should have never let myself get this fat...
UGH.. 180 lbs does not look good on a 4'10" person.
Its way better then 209 lbs.. I do have to admit thats what I was last summer
up until march and my surgery. I dropped 16 lbs that first weeekkkk..
Wish I could get rid of 30 more real quick and Ill be happy~!!!

Happy Fathers Day

My wonderful Hubcap, and father of my son.
So I have had a few small non scale victories lately.
Fitting into clothes that I havent worn in 2 yearss..
YAY!!!!

Well other then that I am still guilty of not completely exercising...
I am however doing sit ups and crunches everyday...
I am just getting over my monthly friend, so tomorrow I will
then begin working out again. I want to get into the 170's for my
next appt on July 1st. so a little over two weeks...

Dum de Dum de dum

Nothing new is really going on here. I mean except slow weight loss.
But that is a good thing right? I dont know I am just in a funk...
I want to get away... I want to do something... I just I just I just dont know.
Ever felt that way?

Doesnt it feel good?

To see someone you havent in a while and have them tell you that you look great?
I LOVE it. Although I might add that yesterday the Hubby and i took our son to the Ocean City, NJ boardwalk to go venture on the rides and such with Grandma and pop pop. Hubby did buy me a piece of low fat peanut butter fudge! haha But I have been so good lately every snack food that I do have I watch what it is and such and I never just have regular its either 100 calorie pack or whatnot. But this was a must I havent had a piece of boardwalk fudge in over 4 years. SO it was a treat. Along with the hopefully babyless weekend... Well Jayson is either coming home tonight or tomorrow. It is often relaxinggggggg

Chuggingtonnnnnnnn

So with this weightloss I feel more comfortable in my bathin suit. Which is a super good plus because my son is enrolled in swim lessons. He just turned 2 so the parents have to go in the water with them. And I dont feel as self conscious (sp) as I thought I was gonna. I mean with all of my tattoos you would think I was over that already, people always staring ... But actually I dont feel like I am noticed too much.

The summer is pretty much here at the Jersey shore. And although I dont live directly in a beach city I am only 15 minutes from atlantic city and ocean city. the traffic is terrible. I live right by the one mall that everyone goes too.

UGHHHHHHHHH goooo awayyyyyyyyyyyyy shoobiess!

sooooooo....

I have reached a decent amount of restriction lately. Which makes me happy!!!!
although now I am getting stuck on certain things and I know now not to eat them..
Rather tired tonight... SO I am just making this quick.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Hev been slacking in the posting department, just have been doing things.
UGh my port HURTS.. Got my 3rd fill today 1 more cc totalling 7 cc's in a 10cc band.
I got praise today from my Dr, whom usually does not do my fills normally but
the nurse practicioner who was doing them got a better position in Tramam at the hospital.
Lauri will be missed my many. Doctor Onopchenko is awesome tho.. He told me that I was one
of his few patients that have been steadily losing since surgery, I have not gained any weight.
Today at my weigh in I was 183.0 so barely 183 almost 182! I just need to lose an ounce and Id be 182. It also could have been that I needed to pee!

He told me that I have lost an significant amount of fat since surgery and my port locating trouble is do to that. He feels I am doing great !! Its actually nice to hear the actual surgeon praise me on my good work!!!!! When I told him that Lauri has trouble getting my port just right, he said well thats Lauri. Then when he couldnt get it right he was like yeah I think I jinxed myself because I said something about lauri. But he did tell me my weightloss contributed to this issue but its a good problem!!!

Step cross, step together..

Just finished 3 miles, Yay!!! I like doing it.. I wish I had better music to play while she talks its the same junk over and over. I changed it up yesterday I did 30 mins of Celeb. fit club bootcamp.. Dang I wish I was a little smaller doing this. it feels so good when you are done. My abs are sore been soing sit ups and crunches everyday trying to get rid of this pouch cause I think that is what is keeping me looking big. this silly pouch.

So far no complaining. I have therapy this friday, I skipped it on accident last week because my son was sick and I fell asleep. Well I just realized that I skipped a dr appt today too. because they dont confirm the day before like most do... They confirmed it like thursday last week and I forgot. It wasnt important it was because of the fact that I was on anxiety meds but I am dealing with my anxiety because I dont want to take a pill everyday. I would rather only take a pill when needed. The only pill I take everyday is my multivitamin!

Fill #3 is next wednesday.. I get to see Dr. 0 it is my first time since surgery really.. not looking forward to it..

Hurrrrr - ahhhhh!!!

Sorry, Havent updated in a few days things have been hectic. It all started on tuesday when Jayson had a tummy ache. The drs thought it was a stomach virus, but he wasnt vomitting or anything. Told me to call back friday if nothing has changed. Friday rolls around and I am still dealing with a cranky, feverish, crying 2 yr old. SO I called the dr. they had me come in and examined him, they then sent me for a STAT Xray of his abdomen because his belly was hard. Comes to find out he has a blockage and sever gass in his stomach and colon. Atleast they found out that he was in pain and not a stomach virus, but rather a sever form of constipation. They prescribed a anacid and some suppositories, but the pharmacy didnt carry the suppositories and told me that all of the surrounding pharmacies didnt carry them for toddlers either. So they told me to buy a fleet pedia-care enema for children 2-11 and have you ever given a toddler an enema? Its not easy haha but thank goodness that and the anacid worked!!! He is feeling better and I have a chance to actually sleeeeeeeppppp.

On the upside I lost another 3 lbs, down 28 so far, going rather slow and I am retaining water and all bloated. Thank you time of the month... Youll be gone tomorrow and I will be back to normal. Well I am not really depressed today so I wont be ranting....

P.S. I Love You

That was such a sad but overall good movie. I read the book The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks last saturday and I LOVE LOVE LOVEDDDD it!!! I recommend it. I read the whole book in a day. I know I read fast. Thats how long it took me to read the twilight books. Although I might add. They were TERRIBLEEEEEEEEEE. The movies are better, I only read about a quarter of the 2nd one. It was terribly borrrrrrrring. I read the whole 3rd one and the last one. I never even bothered to read the first one. I had already seen the movie before hand... And whats with SPARKLING VAMPIRES??? THere is no such thing!!!!! At least in Supernatural they are similar to their ancient beings. Although only having to decapitate them to kill them is much much much easier!

By the way I am ADDICTED to SUPERNATURAL!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, my husbands man soap opera! I teased him for a long while about watching it.. then BAM!!! I got sucked in.... Yay, we watched season one thru three and most of 4... I have season 5 I just need to finish 4 before we start watching 5. Season 5 just ended on tv and season 6 starts in september so I have till september to finish season 5 but im sure give it a couple days and we will begin watching it. We watch and average of 3 episodes a night when my hubby gets home ffrom work!!!

Ok so enough rambling on about a tv show. Lets get to banded life!!!! Well still not seeing any changessssss and honestly it is getting old. Last week I walked/jogged about 16 miles. so far I have done 6 since yesterday. I try and average about 3 a day and Im gonna alter 6 every other day. till i get the mojo to do six everyday. Its just that after three my bones and muscles ache because of the strength training intervals throughout the 3 miles kills meeee. I HATE anything involving my quads. Well enough complaining I bet everyone wants to hear happy things!!!!

The tides that bind the gagged and Im bound. By boundles insignificance.

So Lately I have been feeling better, honest! Today has just been a little downer.
I would love to see better progress and faster. Today I am feeling fat again. I just want to see
the change. Blah when I thought all was going good. Maybe after group I will feel better.
So tonight is support group for pre-banded and newly banded people. SO I will be going there.
They have a little child care section where I pay 3 bucks and someone I know actually watches my son for an hour. Yes, the girl who works in the childcare area I know and actually use to hangout with her. So I dont feel totally crazy about leaving him.

So I think something is wrong with my ears again, they have been bothering me a lot lately.
I have had several sets of tubes when I was younger, and I was diagnosed 30% deaf in my right ear. I have a Dr.'s appointment this thursday which im all aghhh about because it is also my primarys first time seeing me since being banded. It is a weird facility you never have the same doctor when you go in there. I made an appointment with Dr Collins though cause the last chick I saw was completely rude to me and did anything she could to get rid of me....

I have another therapy appointment with Paul on friday too, this being down like once a week is really getting to me, and I cant stand the anxiety medication that they put me on. I dont like having to take a pill everyday, they put me on Buspirone it is a non habit forming medication. The catch is I have to take it twice a day. The facility is different from my primary doctors office, and they told me that in order to get my xanax prescription I have to go to my dr. I now need to explain that I like taking medications as needed and they know I have been on it on and off for 2 years that I dont need it everyday. I dont want to sound like I am addicted to it either, jeez that would be bad. I mean I have panic and anxiety attacks every once in a while and the Buspirone doesnt do squat!!!! Thats probably because I dont take it as prescribed. I take it whenever I remember to and that may or maynot be once everyday or every couple of days.

Well I am done ranting

And so the beat goes on.

Had a few fun days lately. Loving life lately, which is definently a first in a long time.
Yesterday my hubby had to work, but I went with the baby to my hubby's aunts house.
Which is fun Jayson loves Aunt Di! And then Grandma came and picked Jayson up from
Aunt Di's house for and over night lastnight. Which is also a relief for a change. Since grandma and pop pop didnt have him last weekend, and they are super busy this weekend and next weekend they needed to get their Jayson fill in.

So 6 miles yesterday.... My legs are on fire! I did three in the morning and 3 at night before CSI came on. I felt so refreshed, Ill do only 3 today then maybe 6 tomorrow. Its easier to do them when my hubby isnt home hogging the t.v.

My restriction is ok I guess, Im deff not at my sweet spot so hopefully I will be next fill on June 3rd. But I am doing really good with my food. Although I didnt have a carnation instant breakfast this morning, I just have real restriction this morning and I wouldnt be able to get it all down.

Educationn connection?

SO today I feel a little better, I bought Leslie Sansone's new bootcamp DVD, and guess what?
I LOVE IT!!!! It makes 3 miles go by like that. I cant wait to do it again, maybe tonight.
I like the ambitious attitude and feel you get once you are done. And unlike some of her other stuff, it goes buy fast. 3 miles in 45 mins is nothing, but it seemed like a whole lot less.

I had a good mothers day. I am cleaning, although right now I should be cleaning but I took a break and came online. Today is a feel good day, I am relieved today and not so stressed about my weight.

STUCK? Since my fill I have to chew chew chew chew and chew some more. I can not eat chicken like I could before. That is probably the only meat besides fish that I like.

Well, Ill update some more later my son is running around the house stark raving mad@

All I hear is "Blah Blah Blah" I am in total bliss.

SO im not sure, this is just an update! Well Mothers Day is tomorrow...
Yay! Happy Mothers Day to all you banders out there!
My son and I finger painted today, for my Mother in law.
Her bday happens to fall on mothers day every so often and this year is one.
SO tomorrow we are going out, not sure where but out. I cant wait.

Since my fill I can not eat chicken very well. I seem to get stuck every so often.
My therapist has confirmed my weight obsession. Which I knew I had. I just want to get
rid of it. A lot of my problems and issues are all revolved around weight.

I just wish I could have been one of the normal ones. Or atleast stayed normal.
But I was never normal, once puberty hit I was chubby till I had my eating disorders/addictions.
Yes, I went through different stints of Anorexia and Bulimia when I was in my late teens.
I also abused many over the counter diet medications.

I am being open about them more so lately. It is hard for me because I am
being pushed into losing weight by myself.

Always expect the unexpected.

So I had my 2nd fill yesterday and I am loving the restriction!!!!! I have 6cc's in a 10cc band now. My first fill was 4cc's and I didnt expect them to give me the 2 cc's this time, but I secretly wanted it. The nurse practicioner said that if I didnt reach restriction this time, I would more then likely hit it the next fill. I am liking the sound of that. I also lost 3 lbs in almsot 3 weeks.

I am down to 185 from 209 things are moving right along. I am not as depressed anymore with this situation. Well just got back from a full day of fishing with my 2 yr old and my husband. I am tired from being in the sun!

Persistence is a tool of success

I am getting discouraged again. I dont see change. And I am nervous to step on a scale.
I just want to be back pre pregnancy body. I loved life even though I wasnt skinny!
I dont think Ill ever be skinny, just because thats not God's plan for me.
Im tired of just walking around the neighborhood and I am tired of working out in my house.
I am tired of people tell me Im looking good when I know I dont.

Sorry for the rant, I am just being down, I am frustrated about EVERYTHING!
I hate to run, so that will keep me from ever losing weight.
THis 2 mile aerobic is probably not doing me anygood. I just dont see change.
When will it be my turn? I want to see the numbers disappear.

Tomorrow is my 2nd fill, I know I need one. I have been hungry and I dont really experience
restriction lately. I am going to ask a lot of questions. One being how to get to the gym being a low income family. My husband works and all his money goes out to bills and things our son needs like diapers and food.

Jayson - Baby Food = Stubborn child

I am just a girl with a big DREAM, and a Heart made of GOLD>

So today I bought a pair of 2 lb weights to do my cardio with. It is nice to be able to do this.
I did my 2 miles today with it. I just want to see a little faster shrinkage! I go in on wednesday
for my second fill and weigh in!

The worse thing happened the other day, my husbands bestfriends gf at the time came over with him and we all hung out. But like she kept comparing me to her mom.. Cause her mom got the lap band done. But the thing is..... She is heavier then me. I kept asking where she got her clothes from and she kept side tracking and telling me that I should shop at fashion bug plus. EXCUSE ME I am not that gross and big!!!! Like she kept referring me to her mom and everything her mom has or does because of the simple fact that I have the lapband. It really bothered me.. Especially because she is bigger then me and I just wanted tips where to get some cute clothes. I weigh 180 I lost almost 30 lbs in two months and I am smaller then a lot of people who decide to get the band. Its frustrating. I hope I am not offending fellow bandsters out there, I dont mean to I was 202 when I was approved for the LB surgery through my insurance and a lot of people dont think that I needed to get it, but I did. I am 4'10 sos 200 is about 100 lbs over what my ideal weight is suppose to be. But whatever back to the point.

It really offended me that she would be that rude and just keep saying oh well my mom does this and my mom does that. It has nothing to do with your mom. I just wanted to know where to get some cute things that would fit me!!!!!!

ANyone have this problem? With someone who needs to lose weight themselves yet they feel you are bigger then them when that isnt the case. It is actually the opposite?

Today has been going alright. I have to do a little shopping with my
mother in law in 30 minutes. Not ready to hear her complain.
My son is miserable because he can not eat the things he wants to..
He has progressed with lots of things, just not his choices in food.

This has been consuming me the last day or so. Blah, worked out this afternoon.
Not feeling as depressed as I was. I played hooky on monday from therapy..
I just wasnt in the mood to listen to Paul talk and tell me there is nothing
wrong with me.. URGHHH

I accept no truth- only outlook as I restore my faith in nothing,

Today was just a regular day, my hubby might be getting me sick though.
I did play hooky from my therapist appointment. I just didnt feel up to going.
I will call them tomorrow and reschedule. I just didnt feel like going out plus my son
was awake and my hubby was sick so I couldnt leave the baby home with sick daddy.

We all know men are bigger babies when it comes down to getting sick and taking medicine.
Well atleast I know this. I also rescheduled my second fill for 5 days earlier.. I go in on the 5th to get it, rather glad I didnt feel like waiting later.

Tomorrow morning is my sons 2 year check up at the pediatrician. Yay, get to hear how he is
so small.. And he doesnt eat solid food too much. He will eat junk like teddy grams and pretzels but he wont touch a PB&J sandwich, or hot dogs or ANYTHING.

Doing well worked out this after noon I am rather tired will be going to bed now....
UPDATE in the morning Nite all.

12:30am rant

I cant sleep, just sitting here..... Bored...Depressed.
I get like that sometimes and I cant help to think.... Why Me?
I bet all of us ask this question at some point in their life...
Well I am sure that I ask myself this atleast once a week.
The Therapist took me off of the anti-depressant meds that I was on
because he thought I wasnt depressed anymore... Well guess what...
I am@! I am sitting here not sleeping when I know I should be and
I just do what I normally would do... write... I love to write but
I hate myself right now. How did I let my body get like this, it is not
like I even really like food... I just eat when I am suppose to and I eat
what I should be eating. Some people will tell me I am not fat, but I know
when I am not looking other people are snickering. I am a lot smaller then I have
been in the last half of year. I am still a fat lard though. I may be married.....
But I cant help but think why he would marry me when I look like this.
he says it doesnt matter to him, but he wants me to be healthy, and right now I am
on a road to healthy but I am not quite there yet. His mom is doing weight watchers
but she can afford to go to the gym 7 days a week, when all I have to do is the on Demand
workouts, Which get boring lemme tell you. I wish I could afford to go to the gym..
I want my old body back... I am getting discouraged again, I had my first fill and I barely have
any restriction....

Sorry everyone I am just a little down tonight....

Clothes shopping is not FUN!

So I dont like to clothes shop .... ever.. I am always disappointed.
I went to avenue today and tried on some jeans and I didnt like the
way they fit. THen I went to old navy and didnt like the length...
Then I went to jcpenney and tried on some crop pants. they didnt fit right
either.. So I gave up... I need to just wait till I find some cute clothes when
I lose more weight. I just get so frustrated.

My problem is that I am only 4'10 so all of the crop pants I LOVED were
pants on me. Plus my little pouch doesnt make trying on clothes any more
comfortable. However, I did find some really cute shirts and a XL in Jr's
fit comfortably... SO glad that I am no longer in PLUS shirts..... I just look ridiculous
because I am so short. So if anyone is looking to get rid of some yoga capris or stretch capri's
LET ME KNOW> I dont have lots of cash but im am desprate!!!!

Uh yeah and then some.

Im slacking again! SOrry!!!! I have actually been running around
like a chicken without a head the last two days. My mom needed a ride to the hospital, my brother in law had a baby ( well he didnt his fiance did). I had to order the sandwich tray for my sons birthday party on sat, grocery shopping and cleaning my house. We also put in my husbands aunt's screens in her windows. That was all just in two days.

So I never know my progress... EVER!!! I wont know until I can afford to sign up for the gym or I go in for my fill. I am looking into getting the little hand weights to use when I am walking. I think that would be fun and awesome for my upper body when working out.

For some reason it will not let me add anymore followers, I have been having trouble with this website, if anyone has facebook add me!!! missnickss@yahoo.com is my email just search. My husband and I share the site, but Im the one who is always online! He never goes on...

Well I am going to go walk my 2 mile cardio workout!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the incentive!

Thank you Jacquie for getting me out there. This is an incentive to blg more.
SO I had my first fill 4/14/10 and I am currently at 4cc's. I had lost 6 more Lbs
since surgery that totals 22lbs since. I can not complain. Except I want clothes that
fit. All of my clothes are either pre weightgain or post weight gain. I had gotten
rid of everything in the middle before the weightgain. Ladies this is what child
baring will do to you. Well atleat it did 80 lbs gain for me. I was once upon a time
120lbs and a size 4. Heck I work Youth size tshirts!!!

THis is encouraging though, for me it motivates me to work out more to reach my goal.
I know at 150 I will be happy to see that number. But back down to the 120 would be a
Godsend. My hubby doesnt care he loves me for who I am and what I look like.
I can honestly say he would be happier with a healthier me.

Lately I have noticed that I can go up and down the stairs multiple times without
breathing like an animal. This is good right? I am doing right by eating right and exercising well.

Today I will be painting a wall in my kitchen!! we got new courter tops on friday, and today I will
be getting a new stove.!!! My son will be turning 2 this friday, so saturday we will be having his birthday party!!!! I cant believe my baby is two, and this means that my weightgain was a two year span, that makes me sad but to know that it is going away and hopefully by this time next year I will be buying bikinis and having my old body back.

Well thank you everyone who is following me now. I have a reason to bloggg!

Uh yeah and then some.

So tomorrow is my next appointment post op, and my fill.
I am excited to see my weightloss journey so far.
For those of you who know me, know I dont own a scale.
SO I have not been able to document my weightloss at home.
I have been doing great with eating and with not cheating.
Although sometimes I find that I will either forget to eat,
or I will be hungry all day. I dont have much restriction, but
I can not consume what I use to be able to consume.

I will update more tomorrow on how my fill goess......

I know I am a slow slacking poster!

Yeah Yeah I know, I am a little lacking in the posting department.
But with this super nice weather, and having an almost 2 year old..
I often forget. I go on Facebook more then anything, well besides school.
The hubby is at work right now, they gave him more hours so he isnt home
much lately. I would like to do something beside being stuck in this
house all of the time..

Wednesday the 14th is my first fill appointment, Im excited to see how
much I have lost if any from my first post op appointment. I dont have
a scale at home, so the wait is killing me. I have been working out so much
lately, my body is hurting.

Jayson is upstairs singing, or yelling not to sure.. That means he is up
from his nap. I think Ill go get him and play for a bit before he needs
to eat some dinner. It is a countdown he will be 2 years old on April 23rd.
I am getting all sad and wishing he was still my little baby.. But noooo
he is mommys little big man.

The husband and I spoke a little bit today, and he brought up the idea
of only having one child. I know the pregnancy killed my body and I
think he is afraid that if I get pregnant again, this will do the same thing
and Ill work so hard to get the weight off. Just to put it all back again.

I am only 23, I dont know if I only want one child. I know I want to eventually
try for a little girl. But if I get another little boy I will settle for that. I only want
2 children... But I dont think I would give it up and settle for one. Maybe later on
but right now I am focusing on my family...

A Journey Begins with a Step..

So I have done it! I was banded 3/2/2010!!
I cannot believe it, my insurance required a 7 month pre op
monitored diet. So I started July 1st and went once a month to
Dr. Onopchenko's office for a weigh in. It was rough... Let me tell you
seeing me this big really bothered me. I was 209 Lbs and for my short tiny
4'10" frame it seems like a lot. Well, it is a lot but on me it looks
worse then it really is. I am glad I never let myself get too big.

That sound harsh, but in 2008 I weighed only 120 lbs.
This was due to me starving myself and purging because I
was completely tired of being overweight. I think this is KARMA's way
of getting back at me.

So here I am sitting here typing this.. I dont think that anyone will
even bother to read this. Who cares about me and MY stuggles.
My husband is thankfully supporting me, as well as our families.
His Aunt actually was banded in 2007, and my older sister was
banded in 2009. Here I am finally banded... I am excited..

SO here we are almost 3 weeks out, I couldnt tell you all about my
weightloss. Seeing that I dont have a scale at home this would be difficult.
I dont think that I am ready to actually get one. I am afraid that I will be jumping
on the darn thing every chance I get. Which isnt the case sometimes, I want
to get one because I want to be able to document my triumps.

Highest/Surgery/Current/Goal
230/201/194/130

SO I dont think that it is imposible for me to actually acheive this goal.
I set it to get me back down to where I once was. If anyone has any
tips and tricks please feel free to let me know.

So far I eat very little maybe 800-1000 calories a day depending on what I eat.
I do 30 minutes of cardio, and I work with the THERA-BAND. My husband and
I bought some dumbell's today too. I look forward to hearing from everyone.