Friday, April 23, 2010

12:30am rant

I cant sleep, just sitting here..... Bored...Depressed.
I get like that sometimes and I cant help to think.... Why Me?
I bet all of us ask this question at some point in their life...
Well I am sure that I ask myself this atleast once a week.
The Therapist took me off of the anti-depressant meds that I was on
because he thought I wasnt depressed anymore... Well guess what...
I am@! I am sitting here not sleeping when I know I should be and
I just do what I normally would do... write... I love to write but
I hate myself right now. How did I let my body get like this, it is not
like I even really like food... I just eat when I am suppose to and I eat
what I should be eating. Some people will tell me I am not fat, but I know
when I am not looking other people are snickering. I am a lot smaller then I have
been in the last half of year. I am still a fat lard though. I may be married.....
But I cant help but think why he would marry me when I look like this.
he says it doesnt matter to him, but he wants me to be healthy, and right now I am
on a road to healthy but I am not quite there yet. His mom is doing weight watchers
but she can afford to go to the gym 7 days a week, when all I have to do is the on Demand
workouts, Which get boring lemme tell you. I wish I could afford to go to the gym..
I want my old body back... I am getting discouraged again, I had my first fill and I barely have
any restriction....

Sorry everyone I am just a little down tonight....


  1. I haven't had my fill yet, I go next Monday but they say it may take 2 or even 3 fills to really feel restriction. It is going to take time. You'll get there! Maybe you should buy a few exercise DVDs just to switch it up a little, that may help with the boredom.

  2. In time...once you have your first fill everything changes! Stay strong!

  3. Ya just gotta be patient. I will all happen, and there are lots of things you can do without a gym, go for walks, maybe incorporate a little jog intervals. You'll get it!!!

  4. I have had my first fill I have 4cc's in a 10 cc band! I have some restriction in the morning but I dont have significant restriction. I go in for my next fill on the 10th of may. I feel bad I was just ranting . I go to see my therapist on monday so hopefully he will she some insight. Thanks for the encouragement.