Step cross, step together..

Just finished 3 miles, Yay!!! I like doing it.. I wish I had better music to play while she talks its the same junk over and over. I changed it up yesterday I did 30 mins of Celeb. fit club bootcamp.. Dang I wish I was a little smaller doing this. it feels so good when you are done. My abs are sore been soing sit ups and crunches everyday trying to get rid of this pouch cause I think that is what is keeping me looking big. this silly pouch.

So far no complaining. I have therapy this friday, I skipped it on accident last week because my son was sick and I fell asleep. Well I just realized that I skipped a dr appt today too. because they dont confirm the day before like most do... They confirmed it like thursday last week and I forgot. It wasnt important it was because of the fact that I was on anxiety meds but I am dealing with my anxiety because I dont want to take a pill everyday. I would rather only take a pill when needed. The only pill I take everyday is my multivitamin!

Fill #3 is next wednesday.. I get to see Dr. 0 it is my first time since surgery really.. not looking forward to it..

Hurrrrr - ahhhhh!!!

Sorry, Havent updated in a few days things have been hectic. It all started on tuesday when Jayson had a tummy ache. The drs thought it was a stomach virus, but he wasnt vomitting or anything. Told me to call back friday if nothing has changed. Friday rolls around and I am still dealing with a cranky, feverish, crying 2 yr old. SO I called the dr. they had me come in and examined him, they then sent me for a STAT Xray of his abdomen because his belly was hard. Comes to find out he has a blockage and sever gass in his stomach and colon. Atleast they found out that he was in pain and not a stomach virus, but rather a sever form of constipation. They prescribed a anacid and some suppositories, but the pharmacy didnt carry the suppositories and told me that all of the surrounding pharmacies didnt carry them for toddlers either. So they told me to buy a fleet pedia-care enema for children 2-11 and have you ever given a toddler an enema? Its not easy haha but thank goodness that and the anacid worked!!! He is feeling better and I have a chance to actually sleeeeeeeppppp.

On the upside I lost another 3 lbs, down 28 so far, going rather slow and I am retaining water and all bloated. Thank you time of the month... Youll be gone tomorrow and I will be back to normal. Well I am not really depressed today so I wont be ranting....

P.S. I Love You

That was such a sad but overall good movie. I read the book The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks last saturday and I LOVE LOVE LOVEDDDD it!!! I recommend it. I read the whole book in a day. I know I read fast. Thats how long it took me to read the twilight books. Although I might add. They were TERRIBLEEEEEEEEEE. The movies are better, I only read about a quarter of the 2nd one. It was terribly borrrrrrrring. I read the whole 3rd one and the last one. I never even bothered to read the first one. I had already seen the movie before hand... And whats with SPARKLING VAMPIRES??? THere is no such thing!!!!! At least in Supernatural they are similar to their ancient beings. Although only having to decapitate them to kill them is much much much easier!

By the way I am ADDICTED to SUPERNATURAL!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, my husbands man soap opera! I teased him for a long while about watching it.. then BAM!!! I got sucked in.... Yay, we watched season one thru three and most of 4... I have season 5 I just need to finish 4 before we start watching 5. Season 5 just ended on tv and season 6 starts in september so I have till september to finish season 5 but im sure give it a couple days and we will begin watching it. We watch and average of 3 episodes a night when my hubby gets home ffrom work!!!

Ok so enough rambling on about a tv show. Lets get to banded life!!!! Well still not seeing any changessssss and honestly it is getting old. Last week I walked/jogged about 16 miles. so far I have done 6 since yesterday. I try and average about 3 a day and Im gonna alter 6 every other day. till i get the mojo to do six everyday. Its just that after three my bones and muscles ache because of the strength training intervals throughout the 3 miles kills meeee. I HATE anything involving my quads. Well enough complaining I bet everyone wants to hear happy things!!!!

The tides that bind the gagged and Im bound. By boundles insignificance.

So Lately I have been feeling better, honest! Today has just been a little downer.
I would love to see better progress and faster. Today I am feeling fat again. I just want to see
the change. Blah when I thought all was going good. Maybe after group I will feel better.
So tonight is support group for pre-banded and newly banded people. SO I will be going there.
They have a little child care section where I pay 3 bucks and someone I know actually watches my son for an hour. Yes, the girl who works in the childcare area I know and actually use to hangout with her. So I dont feel totally crazy about leaving him.

So I think something is wrong with my ears again, they have been bothering me a lot lately.
I have had several sets of tubes when I was younger, and I was diagnosed 30% deaf in my right ear. I have a Dr.'s appointment this thursday which im all aghhh about because it is also my primarys first time seeing me since being banded. It is a weird facility you never have the same doctor when you go in there. I made an appointment with Dr Collins though cause the last chick I saw was completely rude to me and did anything she could to get rid of me....

I have another therapy appointment with Paul on friday too, this being down like once a week is really getting to me, and I cant stand the anxiety medication that they put me on. I dont like having to take a pill everyday, they put me on Buspirone it is a non habit forming medication. The catch is I have to take it twice a day. The facility is different from my primary doctors office, and they told me that in order to get my xanax prescription I have to go to my dr. I now need to explain that I like taking medications as needed and they know I have been on it on and off for 2 years that I dont need it everyday. I dont want to sound like I am addicted to it either, jeez that would be bad. I mean I have panic and anxiety attacks every once in a while and the Buspirone doesnt do squat!!!! Thats probably because I dont take it as prescribed. I take it whenever I remember to and that may or maynot be once everyday or every couple of days.

Well I am done ranting

And so the beat goes on.

Had a few fun days lately. Loving life lately, which is definently a first in a long time.
Yesterday my hubby had to work, but I went with the baby to my hubby's aunts house.
Which is fun Jayson loves Aunt Di! And then Grandma came and picked Jayson up from
Aunt Di's house for and over night lastnight. Which is also a relief for a change. Since grandma and pop pop didnt have him last weekend, and they are super busy this weekend and next weekend they needed to get their Jayson fill in.

So 6 miles yesterday.... My legs are on fire! I did three in the morning and 3 at night before CSI came on. I felt so refreshed, Ill do only 3 today then maybe 6 tomorrow. Its easier to do them when my hubby isnt home hogging the t.v.

My restriction is ok I guess, Im deff not at my sweet spot so hopefully I will be next fill on June 3rd. But I am doing really good with my food. Although I didnt have a carnation instant breakfast this morning, I just have real restriction this morning and I wouldnt be able to get it all down.

Educationn connection?

SO today I feel a little better, I bought Leslie Sansone's new bootcamp DVD, and guess what?
I LOVE IT!!!! It makes 3 miles go by like that. I cant wait to do it again, maybe tonight.
I like the ambitious attitude and feel you get once you are done. And unlike some of her other stuff, it goes buy fast. 3 miles in 45 mins is nothing, but it seemed like a whole lot less.

I had a good mothers day. I am cleaning, although right now I should be cleaning but I took a break and came online. Today is a feel good day, I am relieved today and not so stressed about my weight.

STUCK? Since my fill I have to chew chew chew chew and chew some more. I can not eat chicken like I could before. That is probably the only meat besides fish that I like.

Well, Ill update some more later my son is running around the house stark raving mad@

All I hear is "Blah Blah Blah" I am in total bliss.

SO im not sure, this is just an update! Well Mothers Day is tomorrow...
Yay! Happy Mothers Day to all you banders out there!
My son and I finger painted today, for my Mother in law.
Her bday happens to fall on mothers day every so often and this year is one.
SO tomorrow we are going out, not sure where but out. I cant wait.

Since my fill I can not eat chicken very well. I seem to get stuck every so often.
My therapist has confirmed my weight obsession. Which I knew I had. I just want to get
rid of it. A lot of my problems and issues are all revolved around weight.

I just wish I could have been one of the normal ones. Or atleast stayed normal.
But I was never normal, once puberty hit I was chubby till I had my eating disorders/addictions.
Yes, I went through different stints of Anorexia and Bulimia when I was in my late teens.
I also abused many over the counter diet medications.

I am being open about them more so lately. It is hard for me because I am
being pushed into losing weight by myself.

Always expect the unexpected.

So I had my 2nd fill yesterday and I am loving the restriction!!!!! I have 6cc's in a 10cc band now. My first fill was 4cc's and I didnt expect them to give me the 2 cc's this time, but I secretly wanted it. The nurse practicioner said that if I didnt reach restriction this time, I would more then likely hit it the next fill. I am liking the sound of that. I also lost 3 lbs in almsot 3 weeks.

I am down to 185 from 209 things are moving right along. I am not as depressed anymore with this situation. Well just got back from a full day of fishing with my 2 yr old and my husband. I am tired from being in the sun!

Persistence is a tool of success

I am getting discouraged again. I dont see change. And I am nervous to step on a scale.
I just want to be back pre pregnancy body. I loved life even though I wasnt skinny!
I dont think Ill ever be skinny, just because thats not God's plan for me.
Im tired of just walking around the neighborhood and I am tired of working out in my house.
I am tired of people tell me Im looking good when I know I dont.

Sorry for the rant, I am just being down, I am frustrated about EVERYTHING!
I hate to run, so that will keep me from ever losing weight.
THis 2 mile aerobic is probably not doing me anygood. I just dont see change.
When will it be my turn? I want to see the numbers disappear.

Tomorrow is my 2nd fill, I know I need one. I have been hungry and I dont really experience
restriction lately. I am going to ask a lot of questions. One being how to get to the gym being a low income family. My husband works and all his money goes out to bills and things our son needs like diapers and food.

Jayson - Baby Food = Stubborn child

I am just a girl with a big DREAM, and a Heart made of GOLD>

So today I bought a pair of 2 lb weights to do my cardio with. It is nice to be able to do this.
I did my 2 miles today with it. I just want to see a little faster shrinkage! I go in on wednesday
for my second fill and weigh in!

The worse thing happened the other day, my husbands bestfriends gf at the time came over with him and we all hung out. But like she kept comparing me to her mom.. Cause her mom got the lap band done. But the thing is..... She is heavier then me. I kept asking where she got her clothes from and she kept side tracking and telling me that I should shop at fashion bug plus. EXCUSE ME I am not that gross and big!!!! Like she kept referring me to her mom and everything her mom has or does because of the simple fact that I have the lapband. It really bothered me.. Especially because she is bigger then me and I just wanted tips where to get some cute clothes. I weigh 180 I lost almost 30 lbs in two months and I am smaller then a lot of people who decide to get the band. Its frustrating. I hope I am not offending fellow bandsters out there, I dont mean to I was 202 when I was approved for the LB surgery through my insurance and a lot of people dont think that I needed to get it, but I did. I am 4'10 sos 200 is about 100 lbs over what my ideal weight is suppose to be. But whatever back to the point.

It really offended me that she would be that rude and just keep saying oh well my mom does this and my mom does that. It has nothing to do with your mom. I just wanted to know where to get some cute things that would fit me!!!!!!

ANyone have this problem? With someone who needs to lose weight themselves yet they feel you are bigger then them when that isnt the case. It is actually the opposite?