Today has been going alright. I have to do a little shopping with my
mother in law in 30 minutes. Not ready to hear her complain.
My son is miserable because he can not eat the things he wants to..
He has progressed with lots of things, just not his choices in food.

This has been consuming me the last day or so. Blah, worked out this afternoon.
Not feeling as depressed as I was. I played hooky on monday from therapy..
I just wasnt in the mood to listen to Paul talk and tell me there is nothing
wrong with me.. URGHHH

I accept no truth- only outlook as I restore my faith in nothing,

Today was just a regular day, my hubby might be getting me sick though.
I did play hooky from my therapist appointment. I just didnt feel up to going.
I will call them tomorrow and reschedule. I just didnt feel like going out plus my son
was awake and my hubby was sick so I couldnt leave the baby home with sick daddy.

We all know men are bigger babies when it comes down to getting sick and taking medicine.
Well atleast I know this. I also rescheduled my second fill for 5 days earlier.. I go in on the 5th to get it, rather glad I didnt feel like waiting later.

Tomorrow morning is my sons 2 year check up at the pediatrician. Yay, get to hear how he is
so small.. And he doesnt eat solid food too much. He will eat junk like teddy grams and pretzels but he wont touch a PB&J sandwich, or hot dogs or ANYTHING.

Doing well worked out this after noon I am rather tired will be going to bed now....
UPDATE in the morning Nite all.

12:30am rant

I cant sleep, just sitting here..... Bored...Depressed.
I get like that sometimes and I cant help to think.... Why Me?
I bet all of us ask this question at some point in their life...
Well I am sure that I ask myself this atleast once a week.
The Therapist took me off of the anti-depressant meds that I was on
because he thought I wasnt depressed anymore... Well guess what...
I am@! I am sitting here not sleeping when I know I should be and
I just do what I normally would do... write... I love to write but
I hate myself right now. How did I let my body get like this, it is not
like I even really like food... I just eat when I am suppose to and I eat
what I should be eating. Some people will tell me I am not fat, but I know
when I am not looking other people are snickering. I am a lot smaller then I have
been in the last half of year. I am still a fat lard though. I may be married.....
But I cant help but think why he would marry me when I look like this.
he says it doesnt matter to him, but he wants me to be healthy, and right now I am
on a road to healthy but I am not quite there yet. His mom is doing weight watchers
but she can afford to go to the gym 7 days a week, when all I have to do is the on Demand
workouts, Which get boring lemme tell you. I wish I could afford to go to the gym..
I want my old body back... I am getting discouraged again, I had my first fill and I barely have
any restriction....

Sorry everyone I am just a little down tonight....

Clothes shopping is not FUN!

So I dont like to clothes shop .... ever.. I am always disappointed.
I went to avenue today and tried on some jeans and I didnt like the
way they fit. THen I went to old navy and didnt like the length...
Then I went to jcpenney and tried on some crop pants. they didnt fit right
either.. So I gave up... I need to just wait till I find some cute clothes when
I lose more weight. I just get so frustrated.

My problem is that I am only 4'10 so all of the crop pants I LOVED were
pants on me. Plus my little pouch doesnt make trying on clothes any more
comfortable. However, I did find some really cute shirts and a XL in Jr's
fit comfortably... SO glad that I am no longer in PLUS shirts..... I just look ridiculous
because I am so short. So if anyone is looking to get rid of some yoga capris or stretch capri's
LET ME KNOW> I dont have lots of cash but im am desprate!!!!

Uh yeah and then some.

Im slacking again! SOrry!!!! I have actually been running around
like a chicken without a head the last two days. My mom needed a ride to the hospital, my brother in law had a baby ( well he didnt his fiance did). I had to order the sandwich tray for my sons birthday party on sat, grocery shopping and cleaning my house. We also put in my husbands aunt's screens in her windows. That was all just in two days.

So I never know my progress... EVER!!! I wont know until I can afford to sign up for the gym or I go in for my fill. I am looking into getting the little hand weights to use when I am walking. I think that would be fun and awesome for my upper body when working out.

For some reason it will not let me add anymore followers, I have been having trouble with this website, if anyone has facebook add me!!! missnickss@yahoo.com is my email just search. My husband and I share the site, but Im the one who is always online! He never goes on...

Well I am going to go walk my 2 mile cardio workout!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the incentive!

Thank you Jacquie for getting me out there. This is an incentive to blg more.
SO I had my first fill 4/14/10 and I am currently at 4cc's. I had lost 6 more Lbs
since surgery that totals 22lbs since. I can not complain. Except I want clothes that
fit. All of my clothes are either pre weightgain or post weight gain. I had gotten
rid of everything in the middle before the weightgain. Ladies this is what child
baring will do to you. Well atleat it did 80 lbs gain for me. I was once upon a time
120lbs and a size 4. Heck I work Youth size tshirts!!!

THis is encouraging though, for me it motivates me to work out more to reach my goal.
I know at 150 I will be happy to see that number. But back down to the 120 would be a
Godsend. My hubby doesnt care he loves me for who I am and what I look like.
I can honestly say he would be happier with a healthier me.

Lately I have noticed that I can go up and down the stairs multiple times without
breathing like an animal. This is good right? I am doing right by eating right and exercising well.

Today I will be painting a wall in my kitchen!! we got new courter tops on friday, and today I will
be getting a new stove.!!! My son will be turning 2 this friday, so saturday we will be having his birthday party!!!! I cant believe my baby is two, and this means that my weightgain was a two year span, that makes me sad but to know that it is going away and hopefully by this time next year I will be buying bikinis and having my old body back.

Well thank you everyone who is following me now. I have a reason to bloggg!

Uh yeah and then some.

So tomorrow is my next appointment post op, and my fill.
I am excited to see my weightloss journey so far.
For those of you who know me, know I dont own a scale.
SO I have not been able to document my weightloss at home.
I have been doing great with eating and with not cheating.
Although sometimes I find that I will either forget to eat,
or I will be hungry all day. I dont have much restriction, but
I can not consume what I use to be able to consume.

I will update more tomorrow on how my fill goess......

I know I am a slow slacking poster!

Yeah Yeah I know, I am a little lacking in the posting department.
But with this super nice weather, and having an almost 2 year old..
I often forget. I go on Facebook more then anything, well besides school.
The hubby is at work right now, they gave him more hours so he isnt home
much lately. I would like to do something beside being stuck in this
house all of the time..

Wednesday the 14th is my first fill appointment, Im excited to see how
much I have lost if any from my first post op appointment. I dont have
a scale at home, so the wait is killing me. I have been working out so much
lately, my body is hurting.

Jayson is upstairs singing, or yelling not to sure.. That means he is up
from his nap. I think Ill go get him and play for a bit before he needs
to eat some dinner. It is a countdown he will be 2 years old on April 23rd.
I am getting all sad and wishing he was still my little baby.. But noooo
he is mommys little big man.

The husband and I spoke a little bit today, and he brought up the idea
of only having one child. I know the pregnancy killed my body and I
think he is afraid that if I get pregnant again, this will do the same thing
and Ill work so hard to get the weight off. Just to put it all back again.

I am only 23, I dont know if I only want one child. I know I want to eventually
try for a little girl. But if I get another little boy I will settle for that. I only want
2 children... But I dont think I would give it up and settle for one. Maybe later on
but right now I am focusing on my family...